So I dragged the corners of my lips apart as far as they could go to expose my almost white set of teeth which I spend the better part of my morning scrubbing like they were used to pack debris the previous day. Say cheese, take a picture!
I stand infront of the mirror every morning trying to convince the person staring back at me She’s still sane. I’m not even allowed to look for more than 5 seconds, I try to take a sneak peak as I brush those diamonds in my mouth. “We don’t want your teeth looking rotten in our pictures now would we?” He would say to me, pulling me by my ears.
“I love him, of course I do” I could have sworn I heard my subconscious blurt out a mocking loud laugh as I felt stupidity wash over me.
He disrespects me so much I began to doubt the authenticity of my life. He wouldn’t even hold my hand in public. He insisted on me brushing my teeth four times a day to keep the “bacteria” away. Yes, four times. Excluding those after meal flossing and constant rinsing of my mouth.
“Oh my God, you guys look so happy”. My friends would say after scrolling through a thousand pictures of us which he made me dress up for and pretend to be living the Cinderella life (Well maybe the part of her life before she met Prince Charming, you know the hell part of the story).
I can’t get myself to decide which made me remain with this guy : the fact that he would buy me really expensive gifts to apologize for hitting me or that there’s actually some kind of joy that comes with being “a fool for love “. Oh who am i kidding, I really can’t go back to those years of loneliness and being single. Pathetically hating on every cute couple I see with their PDAs. Yep. That right there is the reason why I choose to remain with this asshole, who has brought nothing but cries and wails into my life.
My preamble is just an illustration of what some of us have to live through just for the sake of “love”.
I feel a part of my heart chip off when I see a young lady living in abject insecurity and being treated less than she is or deserves. I mean,nobody deserves to settle for someone. No, we are not built to settle,that is why God gave us the gift of a free will. One of my friends once told me she believes everyone has someone made for them by God but some people already have their minds programmed in a different direction ; that they don’t deserve the happy type of life.
I wouldn’t judge anyone for remaining in a relationship that is taking more than it’s giving. Trust me, I know how hard it can be to let go off someone especially when you’ve invested so much. You have every reason to leave but you decide to hold on to that one reason not to. It might be anything, maybe he buys you expensive things, he’s your first love or you just can’t stand being single. I totally get where you’re coming from.
Sometimes when you even feel you’ve had enough, you just don’t have all the strength to let it go. Sweetie, the first thing you should know about yourself is, you’re way stronger than you know and you’re never gonna see this because you’ve been made vulnerable by him.
I’m not a relationship expert, in fact I know very little about it but I felt the need to post this article because the 21st century is a place where everyone is suffering and smiling. Most people prefer to act like everything is great but it might make you feel stronger to have someone talk about something related :).
Reading the bible and concentrating on every detail has made me understand the extent of God’s love. Someone who loves you even when you are the least deserving person, the kind of love that watches over you, the kind of love that doesn’t stick to the rule of just 2 chances and gives you as many chances as you can use ,the kind of love that’s ready to take you back Every time you mess up, that kind of love that sees you not for who you are but for who he knows you can be. That, my friend, is love. If God has placed you in such high position to be treated with all the love and adoration, then I think the standard has been set. It is left to you to decide if you want to stick to that or set a much lower one for yourself.
You’re beautiful, smart and you can only get the respect you deserve if you make that known. Do not settle for less.