So this post was my entry on “Girl on fire” series Bamise had on her blog last August ( see http://www.bamiecole.wordpress.com) and I didn’t post it for a few reasons.
1. I forgot.
2. The whole girl on fire series wasn’t my idea, it was Bamise’s, so I wanted a little time to pass before posting and then I forgot.
3. I might be a feminist. It is not a proven fact yet but some of my posts last year were pushing me to that point so I needed to take a chill pill.
Anyways, in as much as I love to stand for the notion of gender equality, I’m beginning to take another turn. Don’t worry, I think it’s a phase
Girl On Fire
From that very moment I felt the first pain on my chest; when I felt an unusual pound of flesh. That very point when my transition from a child to a young lady began and I had tinnie winnie boobs. Yep! That was the exact take off of the struggle. I was literally thrown off to the society to be criticized and dealt with.
I live everyday standing on the edge of perfection; on that thin line between modesty and modern. Like I’m on the spotlight and so much is expected of me. Every step is taken slowly and gently like I’m threading on a ground tarred with hot charcoal. I can’t afford to miss a step ’cause it all falls back to me, even when it’s extremely obvious that it isn’t my fault. Apparently I’m not allowed to make mistakes; I’m supposed to be the ‘the perfect species’.
Unfortunately for them and rather fortunate for me I’m created to be the emotionally generous specie, I give out all the love and care I have in me, hoping to get the same in return. Sadly it’s rather impossible to get a fair share when there’s an imbalance. Only those of my type can be selfless enough to give back that much over and over again. We are the only ones capable of such bravery. And when I get unlucky to give it to the very wrong ones and get emotionally displaced, I’m not allowed to mess around ‘because if I do I’d be called a slut. But if the tables were turned around, the other party is allowed to become a player; that way he’s justified.
I’m not allowed to eat too much ‘‘because they’ve made fat and ugly closely related. I can’t talk too much to avoid being classified as ‘the attention seeking whore’ and not talking at all automatically leaves me in the category of snubs. I’m expected to remain a virgin till marriage when the other party’s sexual thirst is unquenchable. And when I eventually get married, I have to create a balance between work and family. I have to look younger than my age to keep my male partner satisfied or better still interested.
And when I falter in any of these things, they forget that every month, I have about 70 milliliters of blood leaving my body with an excruciating pain in my abdomen and inexplicable mood swings. At a later age when I get a protruding stomach which would require my genitals to be expanded, nine months later, to allow the passage of another being. I have a lifetime responsibility to take care of my child and cater for every need. Therefore it is no longer my life but ‘our’ lives. They forget this ‘perfect specie’ is not so perfect after all. She’s gonna make lots and lots of mistakes which she’s going to learn from.
I think Mother Nature has dished out enough already, would it be too much of me to ask for a little respect in return? I refuse to be termed as bitch, hoe or anything of such. I embrace my feminine gender and everything that comes with it and I won’t allow the society change the path of that. I find strength in my emotions, and fortitude in my physique. My beauty isn’t defined by the society, I choose to write and live up to my own definition. It’s gonna take a lot more to bring me down cause I love and appreciate this girl on fire.