I’ve been filthy. Covered in dirt and engrossed in mud of self deceit and complacency. Like vapor in the wind, I’ve disappeared away from you. Not once not twice. I sought comfort in discomfort and love in hatred. I neglected the splendor you’ve made readily available for my use. Sometimes you’d even try to speak to me but my ears were blocked with delusion and my lips sealed with pride. You were patient, you waited for me.
It was a battle. You commanded your army to never stop fighting. My soul was pulled from left to right. By my left were the luxuries of confusion, sugar coated depression and short-lived pleasures. And to the right you were there, with chariots and two-edged swords. I tilted to the left… Like 85 percent of me did. Just before I became completely enthralled by your adversaries, you called out through the rain and awakened the part of you that was left in me. A tiny part I must say. So tiny I even doubted its existence. But that was all you needed, that was all that was required to rejuvenate my condemned self.
And then I began to wonder, why have you decided to fight my battle. After all I’m damaged goods with no commercial value. I exchanged your faithfulness with cheating. I replaced your love with lies. Then you caught me right in the middle of my thoughts and replied: “even though your sins are as red as scarlet, I’ll make you as white as snow”. You cleared my past records and gave me a clean slate. A chance to begin again, to start afresh. Mind you, this occurrence has been on replay for a very long time. Yet you choose me every single moment.
So today I’m declaring to the world, that I choose you too. Because you’ve known me right from my mother’s womb and you know the thoughts of my heart. You know my past and you’re already in my future. Today, I’ve made up my mind to stop being indecisive. I want to commit myself to knowing and understanding everything about you. I want to make this relationship work. It’s not going to be easy but I’m willing to try. I might get weak along the line but your strength is made known in my weakness. It’s going to be a continuous battle but I’m opting to fight with the winning team.
People may say I’m crazy. But if it means I no longer have to worry about my past because He already accepted me and He’s got my back all the way. If it means I will have a place secured for me in heaven when all this is over. If it means I no longer have to live by the society’s standards because He himself is the standard I live by. If this means the shackles on my hands have been taken off and the chains have been broken off my feet. Then I want to remain crazy for you. I want to be crazy in love with you.
So when you finally come to pick me up. When that day comes when your people will be identified. I never want to be caught in between. I want you to stretch out your hands to me as you always do. You gave me all of you, so I’m giving you all that is in me. I want to be fully yours not Almost saved.
This post is dedicated to Dami Watti and every young believer.
God bless you.