This is not part of the Cactus series, just a random post. Let’s just say It’s like an intermission or a commercial break. Lol
The Oxford dictionary explains fallow period in terms of farmland as: a land that is ploughed and harrowed but left for a period without being sown in order to restore its fertility or to avoid surplus production.
So how does this apply to humans you may ask?
These days when people ask: “Are you in a relationship” and the answer is No, they go “why?”( especially when you’re very well within the dating age) I don’t think anyone whose reply was “yes, I’m in a relationship” has ever gotten the Wh- question mark. This is because the term “single” is gradually evolving from just a status to a stigma group. When people know you’re old enough to be in a relationship and you’re not, they start to bombard you with questions and concerns. Nobody ever wants to hear: “I’m single because I want to be”
In fact, I know a couple of people who cant stay single for a day. It’s like some sort of disease they never want to be diagnosed with. I must say this is a very wrong idea to have in mind. Being single is like a fallow-period for humans. This is the time you have to develop who you really are without the interference of emotions. Just like lands, it is during this period you can improve your fertility and by fertility I mean your rate of thinking and productivity.
So what happens during the fallow period ?
It is a time to decide what you DON’T want.
Assuming you just got out of a relationship and the whole break up drama has died down, you’re back in the single people’s club.A lot of us make the mistake of preparing a long list of what we want our next partners to be like. By doing so we are only preparing ourselves a mannequin and not a human because we tend to have unrealistic expectations. Separate your needs from your wants. Most times, what you need is the best option while what you want might not be to good for you. A “what I don’t want list” will most likely be shorter than a “what I want list” and it’s easier to make the right decisions this way.
And moreover, when we meet someone that has what we want, we try to convince ourselves that we can work on what we don’t want and this only creates a false picture of a good relationship.
When you know what you DON’T want, what you want will naturally surface.
It is a time to clean your garden tools and prepare them for the next planting period.
Like I said earlier, your fallow period is your time to develop who you really are. Your head is free from every attraction/emotion and you can finally plan your life without interference. You see, there are a lot of things to learn in life and some of these things are better learnt when you’re ALONE. Discover your passion, master your weaknesses and exercise your strengths. This is also a time to work on those bad habits. If you can’t discipline yourself at this time, I’m sorry you won’t be able to do when you’re with someone.
This is a time for Friendship!
All those “girls day out” or “men’s soccer night” invites you declined because you had a date with bae, this is the time to pick them back up, dust off the dirt and go hang out with your girlfriends/guy friends. Whether we want to admit it or not we have less time to spend with our friends when we are in relationships. Don’t just go out to sulk and talk about how much you want to get into another relationship, there’s a wide range of topics to talk about. Develop your communication skills and broaden your intellects on a completely platonic level. Get new ideas and share your own ideas too, you never know what life changing idea can spring up from that.
It is a time to Grow up!
Now that you’re not dependent on anyone, it’s the time for you to learn how to stand on your own and be completely happy. If you can’t learn how to be happy alone, being happy with someone is a risk to take because by so doing, you’re making your happiness depend on humans. And we all know how dangerous that can get. This is a time to make decisions all by yourself and learn to take responsibilities for all your actions. Drop all those childish acts and start acting like the grown up that you are! If you don’t want to keep going down the same road then you have to stop moving in the same direction.
Finally, your fallow period is the time to develop/strengthen your love life with God!
Ladies are you waiting for your Boaz? Why don’t you start by preparing yourself to be his Ruth and guys are you looking for your Ruth? Fasten your seat belts and let her meet you in Boaz mode.
God is the author of every wonderful relationship so why not go to him for tutorials?
The truth is, we need to strengthen our relationship with God first, before looking to go into a relationship with man. It is very easy to lose focus on your spiritual life when you’re with someone since you now have a divided attention but if you’ve worked on this very well with God, he’ll lead you to someone that’ll make God the center of the relationship.
You’re Single and you have more free time on your hands, use this time to serve in the house of God. Join a department in church and keep yourself active! Do not slack in faith but rather move closer to God and let him show you the type of love you deserve.
Ladies and Gentleman, do not let anyone stigmatize you for being single, it’s only a stage that needs to be passed. Make good use of your fallow period and be ready for the next planting season. Take your time and watch yourself grow in other areas of your life. When you concentrate on your relationship status, other parts of your life are malnourished and lack attention.
And remember, God won’t bring you into a relationship that’ll lead to the marriage he has planned for you until he sees that you’ve learnt all you need to know and you’ve become fertile in your fallow period.