Yesterday I was a zero
I felt like a negative percent
yesterday I stabbed myself with knives of condemnation
I ignited the Fire of “never enough”
Never enough to make a difference
Not enough to make it through.
Yesterday I was drowned by my own deeds
My actions connived within me to build a force of depression.
Yesterday I said I’ll never be fast enough; I’ll never be on time
Yesterday I fell to my knees; knocked down by unaccounted worries
Yesterday I gave up my crown and purchased a sit at the lowest rank.
My soul quarreled with my flesh and went to sleep.
Yesterday, I was done…..
Today, I feel like a 10
Like a 100 percent
I reminded myself again for the umpteenth time
That it’s okay to not be enough
It’s fine to not be on time
It’s okay to sleep….
Because if I’m enough, then I wouldn’t need him to complete me
Infact, I’ll never be enough on my own
Because that hole so deep within has to be filled… Filled by Him
I told myself again
It’s okay to let your soul take a nap
Let it be awakened by the spring of living waters- refreshed and ready to live again.
Today, I’m a 10
Not because I have it all figured out
I feel like a 100 percent today
Not because I’m done stumbling
I have a perfect score today
Because I let the perfect one take charge
Tomorrow may come
And I forget about today
I go back to being a zero
I forget about about my perfect days
And go back to sleeping in my vomit.
I hope when that tomorrow comes
My today wakes up fast enough
To remind my tomorrow the constant in all of time.
That in yesterday,today and tomorrow ,the PERFECT ONE remains that constant.
I hope my today reminds my tomorrow that whether She feels like a 10 or a zero, the PERFECT ONE would never compromise his love for her.
And I hope my tomorrow finally gets to understand that a queen does not stop being royalty just because she forgets to wear her crown.
I hope my tomorrow learns from her today and not go back to living in yesterday.
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