Okay guys, we ladies have talked about BAE, time for the guys to have that convo. Here’s a really good friend of mine who is also on this same journey of living a life according to God’s commands.
I’m glad you are reading this. I’m also excited to be featured here. Please if you see Moyo, give her a big hug for me; those kind of hugs in teletubbies.
Ignore that teletubbies joke, back to the matter. For someone like me, I don’t usually follow the trend of social media because they are overrated. I never knew the meaning of “Bae” until recently, obsolete yea? Forgive me.
Before I proceed, I have some questions:
Who is bae?
What makes her the bae?
Relationships, what are they?
Relationships are important and necessary. However, relationships are not “do or die affairs”. Relationships have foundations –rock or sand, strong or weak –where they stand. Relationships have purposes –companionship/friendship and selfish desires. God saw the loneliness of man and decided to create someone for companionship –relationship. Relationship is a ground of mutuality that allows freedom of expression. Relationships are not just hangouts, movies, ice-cream and chocolates but also for rainy days. I believe every relationship can be defined by its purpose and the foundation on which it’s built.
Relationships –its purpose and foundation
So as a Christian brother,what foundation should I build my relationship on? What should be my end-game for a relationship? What should be my ‘turn-on’ as Moyo puts it?
It is true that we are attracted to the curves and the looks and we tend to be moved by what we see; they say we are wired/created that way. This makes it easy for us to ignore every other trait and focus mainly on the visible. However, a relationship built on physical appreciation alone would cease to exist the very day that force of attraction disappears.
Proverbs 31:30(NLT): “Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised“
The term ‘love’ has been abused and misinterpreted in so many ways. I’m fully aware of how the 21st century has dished out a whole new meaning of relationships. What you should know, dear brother, is that: when you gave your life to Christ, you became a new being. Hence, that stereotype of “all men are the same” doesn’t apply to you anymore. You operate on a whole new level and would it make any sense if your ways (relationship inclusive) aligned with the worlds’?
Love is a three-legged stool: Agape, Phileo and Eros. A relationship can only sit well having all three legs present and at the right times.
Why don’t you start by loving her like Christ loves the church? Let her understand that you may not be able to meet up to the standard of Agape love but you’ll constantly be on your feet to get close enough. God has made us leaders, not to be oppressors but to be pacesetters. Let your love for God radiate so much that she sees Him in you.
Agape handles everything. Agape covers all wrongs and overlooks the shortcomings and faults. This is the love that says: “I’m here not for what the rest of the world can see but for what cannot be seen and I’ll continue to be here because the candle of love we both look up to never burns out”.
After your foundation has been set on Agape, then you can go ahead to Phileo and then experience the depth of love in marriage through Eros. God designed this leg for those that have gone through Agape and Phileo. Eros comes with pleasure and fulfilment. This is how God designed it. It is the same way Psalms comes before Proverbs then Ecclesiastes then Songs of Solomon. Yes! That book fa? God inspired it; it’s not that Solomon went dark. In that book, God gave an instruction:
“Promise me, O women (men) of Jerusalem by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right” Songs of Solomon 2:7(NLT)
“Oh let me warn you, sisters (brothers) in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe –and you’re ready” Songs of Solomon 2:7(MSG)
It’s English and it’s simple: “do not rush things” don’t go straight to Eros. Wait for the germination process. Start from Agape then grow into Phileo in your relationship then enjoy the fruit of Eros in your marriage. We make the mistake of rushing straight to Eros and get so involved on the curves, looks, and the romance and could go as far as sex then we hit the wall. The “love” deteriorates and turns sour. Love based on the curves, the looks and the romance is like a fire-cracker. At first, it’s all sparkling and shiny then in a short time it is lost in the air like nothing ever existed. It disappears into thin air like that and the cycle continues. More hearts are broken instead of been mended. Hate grows, love dies out and guilt sets it. You know the drill. The devil uses such opportunities a lot. It is important as a Christian brother to have control over your body and not let it be the master of you.
Why should BAE know and Love God?
It makes life more enjoyable for you both in the long run. She will always point you towards heaven. Even when you are being led by your emotions and the pressure to gratify your eyes and your sense of touch, the HOLYSPIRIT is now present in two places so you that’s a reduced chance of fornication and self-destruction. When you are approaching the “grey” she pulls you back and reminds you of your Lord and the commitment to stay pure before and after marriage. She will keep you accountable and responsible. She’s a Queen in the kingdom remember? She’ll treat you nothing less than a King. The only end-game will be having faith towards a successful marriage. She will pray for you and above all she will love and respect you. What more do we want guys? Come on! What more can a man ask for?
A relationship can be described as a team; with different personalities, goals. Just like The Trinity, there are three personalities –God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit bounded by love working together. It is the same thing for us. You got her back, she got yours and love holds two imperfect people together trusting God to perfect it.
Okay, what if I started a relationship Nsikan and she does not know God nor love Him? My advice is, talk to her about it; Tell her about God. But please, don’t turn the relationship to an evangelical mission. Do not force it, let her choose. Let God do the change of heart; and in the process be on your knees praying for her and help her with good resources. Keep your relationship pure; make logical commitments that will encourage purity. If she walks away, turn up for Jesus yea? It won’t be easy, but you shall overcome. Amen.
Did I write too much? Dang! Forgive me. Please drop your comments wiil ya?
Grace and Peace.