It’s exactly 10:50 am and I lay on my back flipping through the pages of thoughts in my head. My eyes have been wide opened since 9am and I can’t seem to match my feet to the ground.
It’s amazing how I can still connect a pencil to the paper of history and draw a perfect picture; I have replicated the exact same thing for approximately two years.
It was my first time at the park and I couldn’t help but marvel at the many wonders that surrounded me. Young and more than excited to venture into a whole new land of possibilities, I stepped into the seemingly colorful world of adventures.
My eyes lit at the sight of the miraculously built machines that hurled people into greater heights and brought them back down at the speed of light. I was awed by the mystery that lies behind every ride and the screams that emanated from them were rather melodious to my ears.
I spun around like rapunzel trying to wrap her hair around her head and in a split second, the world froze. I was the only one moving and in that millisecond I owned it. Actually, I wasn’t sure if the world froze or my heart stopped beating all together. There it was, a perfectly sculptured circle dripping with the greatest touch of architecture. I could have sworn I had just been teleported into fairy world but nobody had wings so I began to doubt my theory.
“Is this real? ”
I didn’t realize my lips had parted to let out what seemed like a whisper and I almost couldn’t hear the words myself. Then I heard another voice; I had managed to convince every nerve in my body it was an angel or maybe a vampire, because a human couldn’t have possibly processed the extremely low decibels of sound that came out of my lungs.
“Yes, it is”
Yup, I just had a mini conversation with a vampire( I eventually went with vampire ) and all I needed to do was turn around to look into his eyes.
Voila! This tall creature was standing in front of me and it was almost perfection. I turned around to see if there was anyone behind me that he might be talking to but there wasn’t.
After the sight of that magical machine, I never thought there could be anything more fascinating. The only difference between him and my machine was that he had a heartbeat.
Scratch that, there were a lot of differences: Brown eyes, long legs…and a neatly shave beard.Thank goodness!
Fast forward to a few weeks
We were on the roller coaster together ( my mystery machine turned out to be a roller coaster ) and I couldn’t imagine any other place to be. It wasn’t my time to go on a roller coaster but I went on it anyway. I was such a sucker for fairy tales and I built a mansion in the land of wishful thinking. The roller coaster is all fun and games, until your supposedly securement dismantles and you’re flung across the world like a boomerang.
I have spent over 730 days lamenting and describing my bad experience with the roller coaster and how it literally broke my heart into tiny pieces. I have ranted endlessly about how fairytales are traps and blah- blah- blah. Heck! I hosted a pity party that lasted a good 104 weeks and I sat comfortably as I swum in a pool of regrets.
I hated the roller coaster. I blamed it for every other thing that happened in my life and I cringed at the thoughts of getting close to anything that moves in a cycle. Even though I knew It was partly my fault for not waiting enough for the right time, I still needed somewhere to dump the blame.
Today, as I lay on my back with my eyes towards the ceiling , I have finally decided to let the roller coaster off the hook. The end might have been a tragic one but I can’t dispute the fact that the roller coaster made me blush, laugh and oh so crazily scream while the ride lasted. It may have lost control of its sense of security at some point and I might have been off with the timing but that doesn’t nullify its ability to make amends and put smiles on another face; at the right time of course.
I went back to the park for the first time in 24 months. Even though I could still remember every single detail, it felt good to once again stand at the very spot where I first experienced magic. I have always chosen silence over words and so I sat with a glass of berry martini and suddenly I could feel liberation wash over me.
That was my moment of freedom and I owned it. The roller coaster might have seemed like a tragic end but it was a beautiful beginning all together.
That was when I finally got to understand why it all happened in the first place as these words resonated in my head:
” Don’t try too hard to erase your past or act like it never happened. The moment you start to accept your past as a part of you, in that very moment you become a free man and you get the strength to embrace new beginnings. You start to see lessons in place of mistakes and wisdom in place of regrets “