The Myth of Singleness

Aloha! You didn’t expect me to be back so soon did ya ? I wasn’t joking about the showers of posts :p

Frances Okoro of Imperfectly perfect lives gave her readers one of the best gifts on Saturday when she posted “the myth of singleness”. She was basically referring back to a message by Dr.Myles Monroe on singleness and I immediately went to listen to the message myself (as per, chair lady of the association of single ladies, lol)  I think the headache I have right now is as a result of how much I couldn’t stop nodding my head to the wise words that man speaketh in this message. I just keep thanking God for Dr. Monroe’s life,because, even though he’s dead, I’m pretty sure he has touched so many lives like he did mine on Saturday. If you’re able to watch the video, click Here  and if not, I’ll try to transcribe the message as well as give my own interpretation. Even though this is going to be a pretty lengthy post, it is one filled with a lot of goodies that’ll shed more light into so many things. So please, set time aside to digest painstakingly.

In the course of this post, I’ll refer to a single person as someone who isn’t married, so if you’re in a relationship, don’t stop reading now.

I’ve always been skeptical about putting up relationship posts on my blog because I felt experience is the best teacher until Dr.Monroe was able to convince me that knowledge is as good a teacher…or even better. It is possible to keep experiencing bad relationships because you don’t have the knowledge of what a good one should be like. It is with this knowledge Dr. Monroe began marriage counselling at the age of 18.

Singleness has somehow found its way into the list of the world’s greatest diseases that its carriers would do anything to be cured of it. I became interested in understanding God’s purpose for relationships when the world’s attention seemed to be solely on finding a significant other and most of the world’s problems tend to emanate from interpersonal relationships. So do you feel an urgency to be in a relationship or get married? Not to worry, I’m sure we’ve all put this on top of our “achievement” list at some point and I hope by the end of this post you begin to see things in new light

Singleness is more important than Marriage

That is absurd! why would anyone even say that, like how dare you compare being single to the beautiful paradise of marriage. I guess most of you feel this way right now but don’t bite me yet, I can explain.

In the beginning when God created man (Genesis 2:27), he knew exactly what he was doing when he started off with one. Of course he had everything in his power to make two but he chose one; do you ever wonder why? God understood the importance of singleness and while Adam was in the garden of Eden, he was in the presence of God. He needed to get to know his maker and understand the full extent of his sovereignty. God knew there was a lot of work for Adam to do and they can only be done with full focus on his creator.

Singleness is a time for us to strengthen our relationship with God so much that when somebody else comes along, they become a bonus to the equation rather than a distraction. God wants us to understand fully well that our primary purpose in life is to bring glory to him and this purpose is defeated if all we are doing is waiting for someone to reply our text messages.

In Genesis 2:18 God said:

“It is not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him”

Please pay close attention to those words. He didn’t say man was LONELY, he said he was ALONE. Which means the whole time Adam was in the garden of Eden he was so bent on fulfilling God’s purpose that he didn’t even realize he needed a helper. It was God that even had to draw his attention to that fact; not his own suggestion. So we should know that God is absolutely aware of our need for companionship and so does he know the exact time for such. Don’t worry, God’s got this.

Singleness is a time to understand that the sole purpose of marriage isn’t to find someone that “completes” you because whatever void you have in you can and must only be occupied by God before you meet your spouse.

Like Dr. Monroe put it:

You bring to the marriage what you are as a single.

In other words, the longevity and strength of your marriage is highly dependent on what you were as a single. This is the time for God to work with you through your weaknesses and shortcomings. Why bring someone else into a mess you are yet to understand yourself? Singleness is a gift we can only begin to relish when we start to see it less as a burden and more as a blessing.

Singleness is a state to be pursued not avoided

Do you ever wonder why the rapid rate of divorce has become the order of the day? Maybe if people didn’t skip their “Single 101” ( the most important prerequisite for “Marriage 101”) and sped off the altar because of their fear of being lonely, maybe, just maybe, we might have managed to keep those divorce lawyers second-guessing their profession. Maybe if they have all stayed through all the lessons of singleness, they wouldn’t miss the part where perseverance was taught.

Y’all know how much I love Paul and even though I am not about that life he talks about in 1 Corinthians 7: 6 & 7 I can totally see where he’s coming from:

“I say this as a concession,not as a command. I wish that all men were as I am ( forever single). But each man has his own gift from God”

As someone who lived a life of celibacy and complete submission to the work of God, Paul says here that it is even better to remain single but he also points out that not everyone is given the grace, hence marriage. Now, don’t get me wrong or quote me out of context,I’m a strong advocate for marriage and I hope to someday be a part of that union but the society has placed so much importance on it that our main purpose of bringing God glory has been ignored. Of what use would it be to spend your whole life looking for the perfect spouse and miss heaven in the process? And let’s not forget that there’s even no such thing as husband and wife in heaven.

 Let your heart be so lost in Christ that whoever wants to love you must first love Christ to find it.

I want to continue but this post is becoming too long and I promise to come back with more of this. My hope is that as young and growing believers, we can help each other understand the importance of singleness and maybe, just maybe, marriages can start to last longer than T.V commercials.

Grace and peace lovelies.

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